It happens frequently that while attempting to establish a rule of prayer that is consistent from day to day, the wind blows from different directions and at times unexpectedly, and fills the very air I breath with noxious odors that overwhelms the sweet smelling fragrance that for just a brief moment prevailed.  At times, I am not even aware of the presence of this sweet smelling fragrance, until the wind blows with this fowl odor. Only then can I tell the difference in the drastic change of atmosphere. Like when during the day, the bright sun is suddenly covered by massive clouds that turn a bright sunny day instantaneously into a gloomy and dark sky. Years ago, I became aware of this sweet fragrance and wanted so much to be surrounded and engulfed in it at all times.  Unfortunately, it comes and goes, and where it goes nobody knows.  This foul wind at other times makes its presence known shortly after completing the rule of prayer.  It comes like a mist under my feet that is invisible to the naked eye, and when it has surrounded the whole of me, it releases its stench.  Every day is a different war against my innate desires and attempts to build a strong foundation.  But the foul odor is not so easily recognized in my current state, where one moment I am in prayerful meditation and another moment in secular activity.  Sometimes, the waves caused by the winds are what make the presence of the foul smelling odor known.  After the passions have exploded and have gratified itself even in the least way is when my soul comes to its senses and regrets that it has allowed the impulses of the passions to escape by the back door.  But what is this?  Is this not that serpent that allows the “spirit of forgetfulness” to befall the Christian in order then to cause him bruises?  I am ever so grateful and at the same time ashamed that most of the assaults are caught in the early stages.  I am grateful to God for in past years I was not able to notice this much.  And am ashamed that today, it is mostly noticed after the flame has been lit.  But do not misunderstand, while this may hold true to most other passions, I am reflecting on the passion of anger or irascibility.  This foul wind comes in the form of arguments or disagreements that start of petty and has led at times to enmity and strife against a loved or close one.  At other times, it comes by way of irrational attacks hurled from different directions, and while I can see them clearly for what they are and what they want, nevertheless, I am overwhelmed by their destructive force and remain silent like a sheep to its slaughter and in tears does my soul entreat Our God to lessen the strength of their attacks due to my weaknesses or to grant me manly courage to carry this my cross.  “These kinds of things happen everyday for various reasons and are a normal part of life,” you may hear some say.  However, when they only appear or make their presence known immediately after or before your set rule of prayer, now this is not “a normal part of life” but an average aspect of spiritual warfare.  For this reason the Lord instructs us: “Be Sober, Be Vigilant, for your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.”  1Peter 5:8.  Every virtue is like a seed that we plant in the hopes that it produces fruits worthy of repentance.  But the adversary seeks to uplift these seeds by way of vice before or after the seed has been planted in order that the seed may be fruitless.  Oh how the adversary hates and reviles any good deed or virtue especially our sincere prayers that comes from the heart. 

 

Glory be to Jesus Christ+